Case #8475647 - January 3rd, 10:15 AM. Suspect is a brunette female over the age of thirty. She identifies herself as Bianca Burke and is filed under the Must Implement Liberal Frisking, or MILF, category. She is observed taking an inordinate amount of time in the changing room. When detained for interrogation and search, several pairs of stolen underwear are found hidden under her clothes. After a brief back and forth, she makes a compromise with the Officer to avoid further prosecution. The rest of this case is classified. Evidence logged on January 3, 2020.